A Fuego Lento

This is the first episode where the bill left us speechless. A Fuego Lento is a Latin steakhouse in Doral, and we found it the way we find almost everything: looking up reviews of places near us. We went at night and we went dressed up, because the place deserves it.

It had not been called that for long. Before this it was Locos X Grill — same address, same phone number — mixing Venezuelan and Cantonese food; they changed the concept and made it a little fancier.

The first thing we looked at was the menu. The sharing grills run $75 to $125 and come with fried arepitas, fresh cheese and two sides, and at a steakhouse that is how you get to try everything: if you fill up on a rib-eye or a churrasco, you will not taste anything else.

Before the meat we launched a new segment: "Defend your dish, even if it is on fire." Diana defended the chicharrones with guacamole and the plantain chips; Gerardo, the fried cheese with honey, which according to him is the definition of something sweet and easy before the main event. The cheese won, and Diana said so herself. The chicharrón is crunchy, yes, but it is baked rather than fried: it is much harder to chew and the flavour goes with it. Reaching for the word, Gerardo said "odourless" and had to be corrected. Tasteless. From today, in this house, odourless.

Then the grill arrived, with its three sauces: guasacaca, garlic and smoked hot sauce. The meat comes lightly salted on purpose, so you change its flavour with the sauces, and even so there is barely enough sauce for that much meat. For sides, a fried rice and mashed potatoes with butter and garlic that were the best thing on the table. Those potatoes are a 10.

And there is the problem with this episode: we could hardly eat any of it. We tried every cut, sure, but the plate went back looking almost the way it arrived.

The desserts were something else. The chocolate volcano with ice cream was spectacular, and on top of that the house sent over, without us asking, their pan de bono waffle with dulce de leche and vanilla ice cream so we would show it. We did not order it, and that is exactly why we are saying so here: it did not change any score.

Then came the check. $200.50 of food, $14.04 in tax, $214.54. And with the suggested 18% tip, $250.63. For two people.

The scores tell the rest. Atmosphere 9: it is a new place, well decorated, with quiet music. Service 9.5, and that one has a name on it: Paul recommended dishes, told us the history of the house and looked after us all night. Food 5, because the desserts were on another level but the grill was not among the best we have eaten. And price 3: we understand this is a fancy meal and the room is beautiful, but $250 for two falls outside what this series came to measure, which is how much we pay per calorie eaten.

On the scale we stayed at cheat. There was only one main course, and it was the desserts that pushed us that far.

Not approved for cheat day. But let us be clear, because they are not the same thing: we do recommend the place. Go for dinner, go to celebrate something. To break your diet, this is not it.